I signed up for a virtual race a few weeks ago, over at FUNd Run 4 Bling.
And, I've been avoiding it since then.
While, I was excited about it when I signed up, I was sad too. Overwhelmed, actually.
You see, it's called, "Memory Run".
"This run is a run that you will dedicate to someone in your life, past or present. Maybe even a cherished pet?! The bling is a frame medal. Instead of having an insert on the front you will be able to insert a picture! You have the option to email me the pic (or snail mail) and I will affix it to the medal before it is shipped to you! (I am a scrapbooker and have acid free glue that should work nicely without wrecking the photo). Also I would like to have the bling out early so that you receive the medal before your run so that you will have it as soon as you finish!"
Tonight, I finally emailed the photo of my dad. He's always on my mind, heavy in my heart. Especially, while running. I started running last summer, like REALLY running. I was back in my hometown, and it was staring right at me. I had no other choice but to face the reality of what happened. It was always "easy" for me to deal with family loss, since moving because I didn't see the hurt of family in my face. I could easily distract myself with my girls, my family, anything really. I was miles away and phonecalls was all I had between them. And, to be home and not see my dad when I went over to my mom's, their place. To see my little brothers still at home, 16, 7, 5..hurting for our dad. It.was.rough. So, I would run at night, the only peace I found, and I ran A LOT! So, with every.single.stride I take, he is already on my mind.
I've associated running several times with feeling close to my dad. It's not only "my" time to breath, de-stress, feel free and powerful because I have total control of it. My emotions have been off the wall lately, like seriously crazy!! Crying for the littlest things, feeling overwhelmed because so much is happening with my girls and my husband isn't home. And, my mom and siblings back home. Call me a baby. Call me human. Call me an emotional runner.
"Don't wait to for inspiration to find you; BECOME IT!!"